shoulda, coulda, woulda

I can't:
Ride a bike. Dance. Really do anything that involves balance and coordination. Eat ice cream without throwing up. Imagine where I'm going to be in ten years. Talk in depth about my dad to most people. Do assignments ahead of time. Parallel park when other people are in the car. Beatbox. Stand bad tippers. Tolerate people on power trips. Keep my temper when I'm talked down to.

I can:
Play the trumpet. Act. Make delicious sandwiches. Bake. Watch an entire season of "Weeds" in one sitting. Procrastinate. Laugh off embarrassment. Memorize lines very quickly. Understand phenomenology. Easily step onto a feminist soapbox. Pull an all nighter. Spend hours doing absolutely nothing and be totally okay with that. Make people laugh. Love.

I won't:
Intentionally hurt someone. Compare myself to the standards of beauty and sexiness society has set out for us today. Back down when I believe in something. Eat celery. Finish reading The Twilight Saga. Support the war.

I will:
Stand up for myself and for others. Support a woman's right to choose. Support same-sex marriage. Support you. Listen to opinions that differ from my own. Try to change the world in some way. Always miss my dad.

I shouldn't:
Judge rich people. Watch as much TV as I do. Eat so much Mexican food. Hide my emotions from people. Have road rage. Spend money. Waste time.

I should:
Spend more time with my mom. Spend more time with my brother. Save money. Get a second job. Exercise a lot more. Go running in the park. Tell more people how much I love and appreciate them. Learn to love veggies. Focus on progressing as a performer by doing shows instead of consuming myself with thoughts of financial security.

Took this from my favorite boss ever--Laura! (http://withlovefrompittsburgh.blogspot.com)

In other news, a man named John Wagner is giving out my cell phone number to avoid debt. I've gotten phone calls from two different companies asking for him. I've told both that they have the wrong number. So hopefully that'll be the end of that. So, Mr. Wagner, pay your debt. And stop using my number.

Father's Day.

Father's Day was yesterday. And I survived. Barely.

If anyone doesn't already know, my dad passed away almost four years ago. Four years seems like a long time on paper, but, really, sometimes it still feels like it happened yesterday.



I was scheduled to work yesterday. I thought it wouldn't be a problem. I was kind of looking forward to it so I could keep busy and not think about it.

Wrong.

My first table was a father and his three daughters. They had cards for him and were treating him to a Father's Day dinner. When I was with them, I was fine. But everytime I walked away from the table, my chest would get tight and I couldn't breathe. It also didn't help that I was so distracted that I forgot to put their appetizer in. Like, completely forgot. So their meals come out and the dad asks me what happened to their wings. Of course I realize what happened. I go put the order in and tell the cook to make them as fast as he can. I went back to Grace, the manager on duty, and told her about it in case she wanted to go talk to them and apologize. And while I was talking to her I completely broke down into a full on panic attack.



She was completely understanding about everything. She went out and brought the wings to the table and told them what was going on and that another server would be taking over. And then she just told me to clock out. She said that if she had any idea, she would have never scheduled me on that day. I honestly thought I would be fine, otherwise I would have said something about working on Father's Day.

So, Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I hope where ever you are you're still proud of me and that you know that I think about you every day and miss you.

back!

Yeah, yeah. I've been back. Updating is such a hassle!

So yes. I've been back in the States for about two months now. Of course it took me a month to even touch my suitcases. Eh. Not worried about it. It's been a pretty eventful summer so far.

I got a job at a Mexican restaurant called Amigos. I still haven't called Eat n Park to tell them I'm not coming back, but...I feel like they get the picture. They put me through so much stress and unrest that I'd be happy if I never set foot in there ever again. The Whitehall one, of course. Not South Park. That's the hangout. Clearly. But Amigos is an absolute dream in comparison. The only downfall is that it's not a very busy restaurant, so I don't make much money in tips. But all of the managers are great and so not on power trips, which is the most important thing. We also have a lot of fun at work. It's just a great job. I don't dread going, a refreshing change from Eat n Park where I'd come 15 minutes early to sit in my car and prepare myself for the hell I was about to experience.

My mom also got me the best birthday present ever. She paid for 24 sessions with a personal trainer. It was pretty steep, but it's definitely worth it. I want to get down to a size 10. Or lose at least 5 inches in my hips and waist each. So far it's going pretty well. The first month was spent building muscle so I could actually handle the exercises he's giving me. And now we've bumped it up to all cardio all the time. It's exhausting but really fulfilling.

And the biggest news of all...

On Sunday morning, June 14th, my nephew was born!

His name is Easton Ryder Noderer. And he's beautiful.

He weighed in at 8 pounds, 2 ounces. Which is a pretty big baby, especially since he was 4 weeks early! The doctors said if he went to full term, he'd be between 10 and 12 pounds. So far he's a very sleepy baby. Both Mommy and Daddy are doing well. They all came home from the hospital yesterday and my mom and I are going to visit them today. That's my brother Casey holding him. I'm pretty sure he'd wanted to be a dad since he was 15. Even when I was a baby, he would take care of me. So, of course, he can't stop glowing.

Oh wow.

Listen, guys. I'm sorry for not posting for awhile.

Even Steph tried to nudge me and wanted to know what I was up to.

It's been a bit of a whirlwind. My mom visited the first week of March. And then Eric was here from the 11th to the 17th. St. Patty's Day wasn't anything too special. We all went to the parade in town that morning and just hung out for the rest of the day. And then on the 19th I went to Scotland until Monday. We hit up Edinburgh and Glasgow. I'll (hopefully) do another post in more detail about that adventure.

And now I've returned to face 7 essays that are all due within the next two weeks. Oh dear. But the good news is that once those essays are done, I'm completely done for the semester.

I'm also returning April 15th. I know it's early, but I'm running out of money. And everyone's traveling schedules were clashing so I was left without anyone to travel with. And traveling around Europe alone and completely broke doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.

I'm planning on squeezing in a quick trip to France before I leave. Lisa and I are flying to Paris on the 7th. And we're spending two nights there. Then on the 9th, we're hopping on a train to Lorient to spend two days with the lovely people of Queven. We'll be back on the 11th. Then I have to do some finishing touches to whichever essays aren't finished, turn them in, get my stuff together, and come home!

Time went by incredibly fast.

i wonder if it's contrived to listen to flogging molly here.

My mom left early this morning/last night. It was really nice to have her around for a week. This trip has definitely made us closer. And I think she's completely entered that area where I am her child, but I'm also an independent adult. We just have a really great relationship now.

We went to Connemara on Thursday. It was AWESOME. It's a national park and it's basically just beautiful Irish countryside. Sheep and mountains and lakes and sheep and green and sheep. I need to load those pictures onto my computer and then I'll do a blog post with them. It was seriously so gorgeous.

also:

They play this commercial ALL the time.

It's the best.

whoa.

Sorry about the lack of recent updating!

It's been pretty crazy here.

Kelly's friend Sam is visiting. Sarah's friend Jess if visiting. And my mom is visiting. It's nuts!

My mom arrived Saturday morning. She was exhausted, but I wouldn't let her sleep. The best way to beat jet lag is to not sleep until around 9 or 10 PM in your current timezone. So I took her around the city. We grabbed lunch at the creperie. We went into a couple stores. Mostly just walked around and talked. I got her a Claddagh ring for her birthday, so we went in to see if it needed to be resized.

I took her to Finnegan's for some good traditional Irish food. And we split an entire bottle of wine. It was awesome.

On Sunday, we went to Salthill to see the coast. It's sort of like a boardwalk. They have all these shops and restaurants and casinos. And there's this long path that goes along the coast called The Prom. And then we went to the movies with Lisa and saw Slumdog Millionaire because both of them hadn't seen it yet.

Yesterday was an early exhausting day. I wanted my mom to see The Cliffs of Moher so I booked this tour with Galway Tour Company. It started at 10 AM and didn't get back until 6 PM. But she really seemed to enjoy it. There were a bunch of little stops along the way and she got to see the real Irish countryside.

Unfortunately, my alarm didn't go off today. And I'm missing class. But since I didn't finish my history paper last week, I'm going to try and get that totally finished today before I meet up with my mom. I have about 500 words left. I think I can do it.