Restaurant rant.

So. I love my job. And for the most part, waiting tables is fun and a great experience. I love getting to talk to people. I love when people want to joke around with you. You get to interact with really interesting people and hear their stories. I really do love that. But every once in awhile, you get the complete psychopaths. Or people who just do NOT know how to conduct themselves in a restaurant. And, worst of all, the people who do not believe in tipping.

Tip your servers. For the love of God, tip your servers. If they were AWFUL, fine, okay, 10% tip. But when I say AWFUL, I mean AWFUL. Like, they forgot your order, they forgot to put in your order, they did not refill your drinks for the entire duration of your stay, they gave you attitude, they never checked in on you, they never fixed anything that went wrong, they had absolutely no desire to do a good job, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. If it wasn't awful, but nothing was spectacular? 18% minimum. Smooth sailing to great service deserves 20% and above. If you don't have the money to do so, you probably shouldn't be eating out in the first place. Harsh, but true. Also, many restaurants require their servers to tip out the bussers and the bartenders. It varies depending on the alcohol sales and the number of tables you've had, but there are many nights where my tip outs are $10 EACH. So that's $20 LESS that I'm going home with.

It's different in every state but Pennsylvania's minimum wage for servers is $2.83 an hour. Normal minimum wage is $7.25. We are supposed to make everything up in tips. If you don't tip us, we can't make a living. It sucks and I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. I do wish the system could be more like in Europe where servers get paid the equivalent of at least $10 an hour. But that's not how our system works.

I found a list of rules for proper restaurant behavior online. It was hilarious because I could relate to every single thing on that list. Probably every server in America can relate to this list. So I thought I'd post it on here with some feedback.

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":
If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restraunt. It's very distracting and rude to others eating, not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.
Oh. My. God. I have NEVER once seen a parent clean up after their child in a restaurant. Or scold them for making a mess. That parent would never allow such a mess to occur in their own homes, WHY would they think it's okay in a restaurant? One time while working at Eat n Park, I was vacuuming my section. A mother came up to me, holding her son's hand, and said, "Um. He threw up," pointed to the puke-ified area, and LEFT. I am NOT getting paid $2.83 and hour to clean up vomit. No.

2. "THE CAMPERS":
If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money. Not to mention, if you are our last table we have to wait for you to leave before we can leave.
Really, it's not a problem if you want to stay and hang out. However, you really do need to tip accordingly. Because you are still sitting in my section, you are still my responsibility. I can't ignore you, so I will keep doing my job and asking if you need anything.

Side story: The other night I had a table sit in the bar. They were my first table of the night and one of my last tables to leave. That's right, they were there for about FOUR hours. And I was waiting on them the ENTIRE time. They each had about six rounds of beer. They also ordered four appetizers because it was happy hour and they were half off. At the end of the four hours, I give them their checks. One of the checks was over $50. They left me $6. $6 for four hours, discounted food, and mostly alcohol. And I didn't do anything wrong. Trust me, servers KNOW when they've done something wrong. And servers KNOW when they were GOOD to their tables. I was GOOD with them. And like I mentioned, servers have to tip out the bartender according to alcohol sales. If you order a lot of alcohol, you have to think of it as tipping me AS WELL AS the bartender.

3. COMPLIMENTS:
Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is not a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We can't pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave 10% it's an insult.
I've had people tell me I was the best server they've ever had and not tip me at all. Nothing. Not even 10%. It happened the other week. Also, at Eat n Park, I had a table get a manager to tell her that I was great. And then they left me nothing. It's nice to hear good things about the way you do your job, but it's also just as nice to see a 30% tip.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:
Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. It is insulting that you assume we are without religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we can't pay bills with prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.
This has also happened to me. People have left cards saying, "I'll pray for you." I work with a girl who once was left a piece of paper that looked like a check. On it, it said, "Cash this check to get into Heaven!" or something like that. The sentiment is nice, but again...$2.83 an hour.

5. TIPPING:
It is not 1960. Cost of living has gone up dramatically since then. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. Look at the first number of your bill (i.e. if your bill is $30, double the 3 and you have a $6 tip). If the second number is more than 5 however, you must add a dollar. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage (minumum wage for servers is $6.75 in CA, $3.13 in FL, $3.09 in IA, $2.13 in NJ, 2.65 in MI, 2.15 in OK, $2.13 in TX). And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

6. THE COMPLAINERS:
If you get a discount because your food was prepared wrong or something, do not take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.
Never take it out on your server unless you had an AWFUL server. Just because they're the ones you see doesn't make it okay to take out your anger on them. If you have a problem with the food, ask to speak to the manager so that they can let the kitchen staff know they made a mistake. This would happen at Eat n Park all the time. It became very apparent that people were making up things that were wrong with the food so they could get a free meal or get out of tipping.

7. THE FREE STUFF:
If you happen to get anything for free and you did not have a problem with your dining experience, most of the time it is because the server thinks you will realize that they are giving it to you for free. There should be extra tip thanking the server for the free item. They could get in a lot of trouble giving away free stuff. You should give them hazard pay for it.
This one I don't have much of a problem with. Sometimes I give people free drinks or free coffee at the end of their meal. I give people free guacamole all the time and it's pretty expensive. But I never expect recognition for it. I DO, however, firmly believe in coupon tipping etiquette. If you have a coupon or you happened into any sort of special, you MUST tip according to the pre-discounted price. Like, the half off happy hour appetizers? Tip as though they were full price. At Amigos, we have this coupon circulating that's Buy One Entree, Get One Free! It's killing everyone's tips. Suddenly a $25 check is $13. A $5 tip goes to $2.60. It doesn't seem like much, but if it keeps happening, the difference adds up. Just because the price is less doesn't mean we did less work.

8. THE LATE ONES:
If you come into the restaurant 10 minutes before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. Closed means closed, not social hour. It is so rude to sit there and take your sweet ass time. We can't leave until you leave because we have to do sidework and clean the table you are sitting at. We don't want to stand there waiting for you for an extra hour just because you don't want to go home. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Denny's if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.
This also causes a lot of tension between the servers and the kitchen staff. They blame us for you ordering food. Chances are the kitchen staff has been gradually doing their closing sidework so they can leave as close to closing time as possible.

9. THE TABLE HOGGERS:
If you only come in for coffee or a dessert, to do paper work, or to have a meeting, don't sit there taking up our booths for hours. We are not Starbucks or a hotel restaurant. If you want to sit for hours, go there or else you better leave a good tip for us and camping fee included.

10. THE GREET:
When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing, please let us know. We honestly want to know how you are doing. And ask us how we are doing as well. It's called manners. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that from the beginning. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?" Also most of us are REQUIRED to say certain things during the greeting, so please don't interrupt our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?" Just sit tight for a goddamn minute & let us talk. You're not helping us out and saving us time by stopping our greet, you are pissing us off.
Also, many restaurants require you to suggest a drink by name. I'll often ask my tables, "Can I get you guys started off with a Coke or iced tea?" Some people respond to that with a flat out, "No." and nothing else. No elaboration on what they would like to drink instead. Well, now, that's awkward. And "Coffee" is NOT the correct response to, "Hey, how are you?" How would you feel if I came up to your table and said, "What do you want," as if you were the biggest annoyance in the world. Treat your servers the way YOU would want to be treated.

11. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:
Don't ever talk on your cell phone in a restaurant. This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. Just show some respect and give us your attention for a couple of minutes.
I waited on a guy on his cell phone at Eat n Park. Rather than saying, "Hey, hold on for a second, I need to order." and putting his phone down, he pointed at a burger on the menu and waved me away. When the burger came, he was finally off of his phone. But then he said, "But I didn't want onions. And I wanted it medium well. And I want this and this and this and this." Well, sir. You pointed to something and shoo'ed me away. Suddenly it's my fault that you did not take time out from your phone conversation to modify your order.

12. THE PICKY PEOPLE:
When you're taken to a table, sit there. There's a reason you were taken to that table and it's because that server is next on the rotation. If you prefer a certain table, section, window seat etc. specify that to the host/hostess BEFORE they walk you to your table!! Don't wait till they get to the VERY back of the restaraunt then ask "can we have a booth?" "Can we sit by the window?" No! The reason you weren't sat by the window or in a booth is most likely because the server by the window or the server with the booths just got sat and you will receive better service if you stay put. If you ask BEFOREHAND the hostess has time to sit you accordingly. They have time to find you a table where you will be happy to sit AND receive good service!
Getting double/triple/quadruple sat is the worst thing that could happen to a server and is the biggest way to throw them off of their groove. And people who switch sections make this happen.

13. THE WAVERS:
If you wave at me or try to talk to me while I am talking to another table or have a huge tray in my hand, I WILL ignore you. We have other people besides you to take care of and unless we are standing still or hanging out by a computer, we are doing something. It is rude to think we will stop what we are doing for one table just to come help you. Let me put this heavy ass tray down in the middle of the dining room to find out you want more sauce. Do not grab me, or wave, or shake your glass, or call me ma'am or waiter or any other pet-name you want to call me because you were on your cell, or talking, or interrupted my initial greet where I told you my goddamn name!
If the restaurant is busy, it's a pretty safe bet that you are not your server's only table. If your server is good, they will make you feel like you're their only table, but absolutely do not assume this is true. Along the name lines, if you would LEARN your server's name or at least LOOK at them, you won't confuse them for other servers in the restaurant. I've often been grabbed by tables who aren't mine asking for the check. When I respond, "Sure, I'll find your server for you," they get this horrified look and say, "You're not her?" "No, what's her name?" "...I don't know." That's helpful.

Moral of the story, respect your servers. Remember they are somebody's son or daughter. Treat them well. If they're like me, they enjoy being a part of your life for that hour or so.

shoulda, coulda, woulda

I can't:
Ride a bike. Dance. Really do anything that involves balance and coordination. Eat ice cream without throwing up. Imagine where I'm going to be in ten years. Talk in depth about my dad to most people. Do assignments ahead of time. Parallel park when other people are in the car. Beatbox. Stand bad tippers. Tolerate people on power trips. Keep my temper when I'm talked down to.

I can:
Play the trumpet. Act. Make delicious sandwiches. Bake. Watch an entire season of "Weeds" in one sitting. Procrastinate. Laugh off embarrassment. Memorize lines very quickly. Understand phenomenology. Easily step onto a feminist soapbox. Pull an all nighter. Spend hours doing absolutely nothing and be totally okay with that. Make people laugh. Love.

I won't:
Intentionally hurt someone. Compare myself to the standards of beauty and sexiness society has set out for us today. Back down when I believe in something. Eat celery. Finish reading The Twilight Saga. Support the war.

I will:
Stand up for myself and for others. Support a woman's right to choose. Support same-sex marriage. Support you. Listen to opinions that differ from my own. Try to change the world in some way. Always miss my dad.

I shouldn't:
Judge rich people. Watch as much TV as I do. Eat so much Mexican food. Hide my emotions from people. Have road rage. Spend money. Waste time.

I should:
Spend more time with my mom. Spend more time with my brother. Save money. Get a second job. Exercise a lot more. Go running in the park. Tell more people how much I love and appreciate them. Learn to love veggies. Focus on progressing as a performer by doing shows instead of consuming myself with thoughts of financial security.

Took this from my favorite boss ever--Laura! (http://withlovefrompittsburgh.blogspot.com)

In other news, a man named John Wagner is giving out my cell phone number to avoid debt. I've gotten phone calls from two different companies asking for him. I've told both that they have the wrong number. So hopefully that'll be the end of that. So, Mr. Wagner, pay your debt. And stop using my number.

Father's Day.

Father's Day was yesterday. And I survived. Barely.

If anyone doesn't already know, my dad passed away almost four years ago. Four years seems like a long time on paper, but, really, sometimes it still feels like it happened yesterday.



I was scheduled to work yesterday. I thought it wouldn't be a problem. I was kind of looking forward to it so I could keep busy and not think about it.

Wrong.

My first table was a father and his three daughters. They had cards for him and were treating him to a Father's Day dinner. When I was with them, I was fine. But everytime I walked away from the table, my chest would get tight and I couldn't breathe. It also didn't help that I was so distracted that I forgot to put their appetizer in. Like, completely forgot. So their meals come out and the dad asks me what happened to their wings. Of course I realize what happened. I go put the order in and tell the cook to make them as fast as he can. I went back to Grace, the manager on duty, and told her about it in case she wanted to go talk to them and apologize. And while I was talking to her I completely broke down into a full on panic attack.



She was completely understanding about everything. She went out and brought the wings to the table and told them what was going on and that another server would be taking over. And then she just told me to clock out. She said that if she had any idea, she would have never scheduled me on that day. I honestly thought I would be fine, otherwise I would have said something about working on Father's Day.

So, Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I hope where ever you are you're still proud of me and that you know that I think about you every day and miss you.

back!

Yeah, yeah. I've been back. Updating is such a hassle!

So yes. I've been back in the States for about two months now. Of course it took me a month to even touch my suitcases. Eh. Not worried about it. It's been a pretty eventful summer so far.

I got a job at a Mexican restaurant called Amigos. I still haven't called Eat n Park to tell them I'm not coming back, but...I feel like they get the picture. They put me through so much stress and unrest that I'd be happy if I never set foot in there ever again. The Whitehall one, of course. Not South Park. That's the hangout. Clearly. But Amigos is an absolute dream in comparison. The only downfall is that it's not a very busy restaurant, so I don't make much money in tips. But all of the managers are great and so not on power trips, which is the most important thing. We also have a lot of fun at work. It's just a great job. I don't dread going, a refreshing change from Eat n Park where I'd come 15 minutes early to sit in my car and prepare myself for the hell I was about to experience.

My mom also got me the best birthday present ever. She paid for 24 sessions with a personal trainer. It was pretty steep, but it's definitely worth it. I want to get down to a size 10. Or lose at least 5 inches in my hips and waist each. So far it's going pretty well. The first month was spent building muscle so I could actually handle the exercises he's giving me. And now we've bumped it up to all cardio all the time. It's exhausting but really fulfilling.

And the biggest news of all...

On Sunday morning, June 14th, my nephew was born!

His name is Easton Ryder Noderer. And he's beautiful.

He weighed in at 8 pounds, 2 ounces. Which is a pretty big baby, especially since he was 4 weeks early! The doctors said if he went to full term, he'd be between 10 and 12 pounds. So far he's a very sleepy baby. Both Mommy and Daddy are doing well. They all came home from the hospital yesterday and my mom and I are going to visit them today. That's my brother Casey holding him. I'm pretty sure he'd wanted to be a dad since he was 15. Even when I was a baby, he would take care of me. So, of course, he can't stop glowing.

Oh wow.

Listen, guys. I'm sorry for not posting for awhile.

Even Steph tried to nudge me and wanted to know what I was up to.

It's been a bit of a whirlwind. My mom visited the first week of March. And then Eric was here from the 11th to the 17th. St. Patty's Day wasn't anything too special. We all went to the parade in town that morning and just hung out for the rest of the day. And then on the 19th I went to Scotland until Monday. We hit up Edinburgh and Glasgow. I'll (hopefully) do another post in more detail about that adventure.

And now I've returned to face 7 essays that are all due within the next two weeks. Oh dear. But the good news is that once those essays are done, I'm completely done for the semester.

I'm also returning April 15th. I know it's early, but I'm running out of money. And everyone's traveling schedules were clashing so I was left without anyone to travel with. And traveling around Europe alone and completely broke doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.

I'm planning on squeezing in a quick trip to France before I leave. Lisa and I are flying to Paris on the 7th. And we're spending two nights there. Then on the 9th, we're hopping on a train to Lorient to spend two days with the lovely people of Queven. We'll be back on the 11th. Then I have to do some finishing touches to whichever essays aren't finished, turn them in, get my stuff together, and come home!

Time went by incredibly fast.

i wonder if it's contrived to listen to flogging molly here.

My mom left early this morning/last night. It was really nice to have her around for a week. This trip has definitely made us closer. And I think she's completely entered that area where I am her child, but I'm also an independent adult. We just have a really great relationship now.

We went to Connemara on Thursday. It was AWESOME. It's a national park and it's basically just beautiful Irish countryside. Sheep and mountains and lakes and sheep and green and sheep. I need to load those pictures onto my computer and then I'll do a blog post with them. It was seriously so gorgeous.

also:

They play this commercial ALL the time.

It's the best.